Some True Cliches

It's easy to get wrapped up in the day-to-day, to feel overwhelmed by all the things that seem to pile up....these things that seem so very important. They are to some degree. I mean, the little things, they all knit together and are what make up our lives.
What I'm talking about is the worrying about the things you have or don't have. Comparing yourself, your life to that of others, thinking you don't measure up. It sucks the joy out of you.

Why the moderately cliche ramblings?

Someone our family cares about a great deal lost his Mom yesterday.

It's unexpected, and heartbreaking. This family loved her so very much. I wasn't lucky enough to have met her myself, but I have heard that she really was a lovely and loving woman.

I can barely fathom how they all must be feeling this morning. My stomach gets tied up when I think of how I would feel.

When someone you care about experiences a loss, it does make you sit back and take stock. Makes you want to reach out and hold your own a little tighter. (Harder when there are miles between you, but virtual hugs are good too).

It inspires me to let go of some negative crap that's been weighing on me (literally and figuratively). There have been some big changes around here. Time to appreciate them instead of worrying about them.

I do wish there was something  we could do.







---->Update on What's been going on.

The Impatient Patient

Two and a half weeks into recovery and....well, just call me the Impatient Patient.

I thought that by now I'd be doing more. Not back 100%, but, not as sore and tired as I am. I get so tired so easily, it's nutty!

I decided to make soup on Sunday. (Homemade soup, not from a can.) It's a staple recipe, nothing fancy. It took me well over an hour to make it. Usual prep time: 30 mins.

What an eye opener.

Monday was my first full day solo since surgery. I had to go to Walmart for some pain pills (the OTC variety). Folks, it took me over an hour to shower, get dressed and get out the door. Seriously? Yup, I move even slower than turtles now. (Should have my own shirts made).

Sent an email to work yesterday, just a warning for them....I'm not sure I'll be "kitchen ready" by the 21st.  My boss was very understanding, which I am glad for. I have to listen to my body I guess. (Impatient Patient does not like this).

No fitness, other than short walks at the grocery store. My appetite has returned, which is a blessing and a curse. Trying to make the Good Choices.....but chocolate once-a-day seems to have become a necessity for my sanity.

I will say, I am still enjoying being home with the kids on the morning....and they're liking it too. It will be a hard thing to give up when I go back.

Post Surgery

I made it. Surgery was a week ago ( breast reduction for those not in the-know).

The procedure went very well  I am told. Thanks to a cocktail of meds pre-surgery, and post, the first few days afterwards are a bit hazy.

I do remember that the nurses at the hospital were phenomenal. They were all very kind and took very good care of me. I can say the same for the anesthesiologist and surgeon, as far as I can remember.

I also want to thank my parents for spending the past week with us. First caring for the kiddos while we were out of town for the surgery, then for carting me around and tending to me while the husband was at work. I know they have plenty going on in their own lives, and I appreciate them so much.

Last, but not least, thanks to my hubby. He's had a nutty week a work, and then comes home to take care of me. Thankfully he is off work next week to help me out...and make sure that I remain a good patient.


I'm healing well according to the surgeon ( had a post-op appointment yesterday). She's happy with the result, and I don't have to go back until next month now.

I will say, I am rather uncomfortable...actually, today I hurt quite a bit. I am not taking the "good pills" during the day. They make me woozy and hurt my tummy.

I am bored too. That was to be expected though. I have books, Netflix, and my trusty laptop (that I really can't lift on my own).

I am hoping that when my 4 weeks off work is up, I am ready to go back to work.

Lather, Rinse, Repeat

They say that Life is what happens when you're busy making plans.

There are days, when I feel like my life is just a series of mundane chore lists strung together.

*Laundry
*Cook the Food
*Clean the things
*Sleep
*Lather, rinse & repeat.

Yes, a rather simplistic view.

*Sigh*

It could be that my surgery on Friday is causing a bit (lot) of stress in my head. Weighing heavier on my mind though, is how long after surgery will it be before I can get back to training for my goals for the next 12 months?

Goals, you say?

Yup, not dreams, but goals, with an actual date attached to them.

A 10k, a half marathon, and a FULL Marathon. Those are just a few things that I want to do for me personally.

I could use a little more fun in my life as well. Between time spent at work, and time (well) spent with family, a teeny bit of a social life would be so good for my mental health. It's been.....a long time since I let my hair down (less of it now that I cut it off).

Mind-Body  balance. If I can figure that one out, perhaps I can be a better me all around.

One Week to Go

One week from today.....

I will be a post-surgical patient. I'll be propped up in bed, all wrapped up, and medicated.

I've never had surgery, never been "put under". Heck, I've never even had an epidural!  I think the idea of general anesthetic makes me just as nervous as the thought of the actual surgery.

I'm hoping for a good result from this reduction. I hope it doesn't hurt too much afterwards.

I can't wait to be healed. Then I can get my feet on the road again, shake my butt at Zumba, and Lift the Things!

Oh....and I am so looking forward to being able to buy a bra that FITS!

Wish me luck. :)

One Month Later

Well folks, been a month since my last post. My back is feeling better most of the time, but it's definitely not as good as before my ridiculous injury. I've been to the chiropractor, done a few work-outs, and been back to the same-old same-old at work.

Tomorrow is the Arm Lake Trail Run. It's the last in a series of three put on by the local running club on base. The kids are pretty excited about finishing it, since they get a medal...so do I ( that's the reason I'm going).

I do not feel like running this race. Next to no runs for me this summer, I'm so heavy at the moment, and I have a cold. ( yeah yeah, First World Problems).

I will run it, and I will finish it though. It's a good lesson for the kids ( the whole "Finish what you started" thing).

If nothing else, I'll get some fresh air, and spend some quality time with the family and our running pals.

In other news.....2 weeks from today I will have had my long-awaited breast reduction surgery. I am anxious for it to be over.. Wish me luck all around!

I Miss Running

Made it through a full shift at work today.
...thankful for that.


I miss running. I miss the time alone, the meditation and the challenge.

Where I found this

Lumpish Sunday Afternoon

It's been a week and a half since I initially injured myself, thanks to my fancy footwork in the bath tub.

In that time, I have been to the chiropractor twice ( an interesting, and not unpleasant experience), and the local hospital.

I have missed nearly 5 full days of work, and went back for 2 partial days this past Thursday and Friday.

My back is still not right, but it is much better than it was.

I am miserable however, and a little horrified.

Perhaps it's the medication, or my nearly sedentary days. Maybe it's all the food I've been eating to keep my stomach settled. More than likely, it's a combination of all the above factors. Whatever the cause, I have gained A LOT of weight. My bras are too small, my bigger clothes that I JUST BOUGHT are too tight. I have stayed away from the scale so far, because, the number won't make me feel any better about the evidence I see in the mirror.

And, while I understand that there are people suffering from much more horrible fates in the world, I am still so very unhappy about all of this.

I want to work out, get my body moving and stop feeling like this big lump I seem to be turning into. Isn't that the solution to gaining weight?

My head is screaming at me to restrict, stop eating....I know that will not help me heal.

Keeping that little voice in the back of my head quiet (you know, the one that is always there in the shadows, waiting to pull the rug from under your feet) will be hard. The words it speaks may be true, but the context is generally wrong.

So, I'll try to remain patient, and keep reminding myself that I am injured, and I have to care for myself.



*P.S.
I have stopped taking the heavy-duty meds as off today. The foggy-brain, shakes, and nearly narcoleptic spells were taking their toll on me. Extra-Strength ibuprofen seems to be good enough for a lazy day like today.


Here's a little light reading from Go Kaleo for you to enjoy.

Bored

This is my third day off from work, trying  to heal my darn back.

I "think" it's feeling a bit better, but, it's hard to judge. All these pills make me fuzzy-headed, sleepy, and hungry.  I won't be able to take the muscle relaxant at work, since I drop off to sleep without a lot of warning when I'm taking it.  Makes it tough to drive to and from work, never mind actually doing my job.

The hunger is ridiculous. I'd like to think my body is asking for more because it needs the fuel to heal. I hate that I am consuming so much...makes me afraid that I'll put on even more weight.

It's a  vicious circle.

I do realize that things could be much worse. Eventually I will heal.

I am itching to get back on the road to run, to start Lifting the Things. This sitting around is boring.

I am planning on trying to work tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Patience....too Bad it Doesn't Come in Pill Form

I could probably post this on my other blog as well.....but one post will suffice.

So, my back is still giving me grief.

I tried to go back to work yesterday. That did not go as I had hoped. I made it nearly 2.5 hours before I couldn't stand the pain anymore.

I broke down and went over to the Emergency room ( getting in to see a family doc here is near to impossible. Mine books months in advance I have found). The doctor there poked and prodded, checked things out, and had a wee chuckle when I asked if being a klutz was an actual medical condition ( he said no).

I ended up leaving with a note saying I couldn't work until Thursday, and a bunch of prescriptions to fill. Muscle relaxants, anti-inflammatory, steroid, and T3. ( I did not fill the T3. I don't like them, and they don't like me.)

I'm sleeping a lot, eating too much, and generally feel like a big old lump.

I hate that something so silly has knocked me out so badly.

Then the what-ifs creep in....

*What if I can't run our final race for the local series here in September?
*What if this injury affect my recovery for my upcoming surgery? ( I have no basis for this one)
*What if.....what if I can't get back to work?

My wise friend and my wonderful husband keep telling me just to be patient and let my body heal.

Let me tell you, on these meds, there is no choice for me but to rest.....I keep falling asleep!

Patience....meh.

Well folks, I'm still hurting. The sharp pains in my back are gone, but the muscles are just not behaving themselves. My shoulder is also not being  team player at this point, and has thrown-in with my back to make moving a little harder than it should be.

Tried to go Robax-free. Didn't take my bedtime dose last night, and did not take one when I got up this morning. Seems that was an error, and had to take on right before noon. They make me feel nauseated, but, luckily, a Greek yogurt and some buttered toast help with the worst of that.

I'm very nervous about going to work tomorrow. I'll try it though. (I don't want to use up all my sick time before my surgery in September.) I suppose I can only do what I can do.

I hate not being able to make my body do what I want it to. I do not like being limited. I surely do not enjoy the fact that I have to ask for help to get things done.

Patience is not my forte.

However.....

My Fabulous Running Buddy went and ran the 5k race we were signed up for today. She totally rocked it on this beautiful sunny Sunday. Very proud of her!

So, getting out the shower this morning.......

When do I throw in the towel?

I am frustrated to the point of tears once again.

The past 12 months have been sh!tastic for me health and body wise. Nothing terminal, just things that alter my ability to enjoy the big and little things in life and keep myself healthy and strong.

My feet, they ALWAYS hurt. Not just normal "I've been on my feet too long" hurt, but a hobbling, makes you consider if it's really necessary to get up and pee in the morning kind of hurt. ( Heel spurs, plantar fasciitis, fun times).

Internal ( intestinal) issues that have totally screwed with my well-being. Weight gain partially due to this issue....quality of life definitely affected. Being afraid to eat because it might make me feel ill/awful/dying is no fun, let me tell ya.

Last week, popped my shoulder out stretching in bed when my alarm went off. Yup, that's right: totally passive movement. Still hurts this week if I am not careful.

This morning, I slipped getting out of the shower. Left foot in the air, planted right foot in the tub slipped just enough that I totally wrenched my back. Tried to go to work, major fail. Came home, went to the Chiropractor (he did help me some). Off work tomorrow too. Sitting my my a$$ on an ice-pack, the pain is....not pleasant. Doesn't hurt as much as back labour, so, there's that to be thankful for.

Things on my body have hurt for nearly as long as I can remember. Blew my knees out when I was about 11 years old, and it feels like it's been downhill since then.

A few years back I decided enough was enough. My body hurts when I don't exercise, so I might as well push through and try to get stronger. And I was doing it!

Not now. This feels like it might be the straw that broke the camel's back ( bad joke totally intended).

I am missing a race I was really looking forward to this Sunday with my Fabulous Running Buddy.

This final (stupid) injury is affecting my job, my fitness, and my family.

I want to let loose a string of bad words that would make a sailor blush, but my Mom might read this.

I just want to feel less than crappy.

Little Things

It's about the little things in life, I mean, that's what "They" say.

So, I bought a little thing this week:

It's a Fitbit Flex. I feel it is a push that will get me moving (faster) in the right direction.It tracks steps taken, approximate calorie burn, and sleep cycles. I'm still figuring it out, as yesterday was my first day wearing it.

It's comfortable, like one of those rubber bracelets. I like that. I'd be afraid of losing the Fitbit One with it just being clipped to my clothing, and I'm notorious for washing things like that.

It's a fun bit of competition too, as my Fabulous Running Buddy has one as well. We can "compete" even when we're not together.

***Breaking News***
My Flex has a silent, vibrating alarm on it. I set it last night, and it just went off. Very cool....and a wee bit tickly. I'll have to try it on a work day, when I might still be in bed. (Of course, I'll set a back-up alarm on my phone).

I think that this will be a tool to get me moving more. In turn, I hope that moving more will help me find the joy I got from working out hard...and that that small amount of joy will lead to results, which, let's face it, is what I really want.

Taking of yourself can seem like such a daunting task, when you're looking at the big picture. Instead, taking it one little step at a time, only worrying about the choices you make today, it makes it manageable. Do what you can today, tomorrow isn't here yet.

This week.....

In a slightly better head-space this week. Only feeling slightly dissatisfied rather than overwhelmingly so.

Fitness-wise:

Went to Zumba, dragged myself through Zumbatone ( love the class, but my body was letting me down), and a flow-yoga class.

It was only my third class for yoga. I am liking it quite a bit. I am fairly strong when it comes to the balance poses and not too stiff in the flexibility department. There are a thousand ways I can get better at it for sure, but I don't feel like a complete interloper in class. I did learn that I do not like doing yoga near a mirror. I found it very hard to let myself really sink in to the poses while I could see all the parts of me I try not to think about. (closing my eyes did not help....made me lose my balance).

So, another reason to lose the weight....it will make yoga easier.

No running this week either. :( We're supposed to be doing the "Color me Rad" race next weekend, but, with the horrible flooding in Calgary right now, it's not looking good.

Diet-wise:

Meh.....still a work in progress.  Increase the calories, restrict the calories.....seems I always end up in the same place.

Tip of the week: Check out Go Kaleo , she's great!

Presently Present

....."I miss being the age when I thought I'd have my shit together by the time I was the age I am now"

                                                                                                                         

~original source unknown                                                              

Is having your shit together a mythical state of being? Like being 100% caught up on laundry?

I have encountered people that appear to have their shit together, and I envy them. I mean, all we really see of people is their social face. We can never really know how they feel on the inside I suppose.

I am back in a place I did not want to return to.

Weight/body-wise, I am back to square one. I'll spare anyone who reads this the numbers, but, suffice it to say, I am unhappy.  I have no one to blame for this but myself...gotta get my shit together.

Fitness-wise, I am holding on by my fingernails. I can still run, but I am no faster. I need to make time to do more, move more, lift more.....you know, get my shit together.

Work-wise....let me just say how much I enjoy my job. Today, in discussing some upcoming time away, it was mentioned to me that a monkey could do my job. Perhaps....but I clean up after myself, unlike the aforementioned monkey. In this instance, I do have my shit together ( a monkey would just throw it).

Now we have arrived at the weekend I have been waiting for. All week my head was, well....swirly, yeah, let's say it was swirly. I can't say it's settled now, but, my mood is smoother.

Logically, I know what to do. I won't bore you with the details, I've listed them before. It comes down to three things really:

#1. Stop worrying about the things I cannot control. 

This leads to all sorts of trouble for me, and usually flares my case of Chronic Dissatisfaction. (I do believe I've written about it somewhere before, but, I can't remember. Just watch Vicky Christina Barcelona ).

#2. Shrug your (my) shoulders and let the shit roll off.

It could be argued that this is nearly the same as number one. Not for me though. It is actually a reminder for me to physically shrug my shoulders and take a few deep breathes.

#3. Don't borrow trouble.

Live more presently in other words. The future will unfold, and the only thing that I need to do is be the best I can be in the moment I am in. Stressing about a situation that may or may not arise is a waste of my energy.



So, for today, I will watch the clouds blow by the kitchen window, sip coffee, and spend time with my family.
I will finally complete the family chore chart and my workout schedule I have been putting off.
Oh......and do laundry. I mean, there's always laundry.

Back in the .....Saddle?

I have a plan.

A plan to get my running legs back.


It's a................    Running Schedule. 

That's it.

No tricks, no gimmicks. I entered my runs into the calendar on my phone. I get a reminder that I have a run planned.

I am making appointments with myself.....for myself.

No one is going to do the work for me. Frankly, I am tired of hearing myself whine about the reasons I can't do things.

Big girl running bra and VFF's on....it's go time.

Today's mileage: 2.21 miles

Winter Blahs

     It's been a long time since I made the time to post here. I never know if anyone reads these, and that's o.k. (Though it would be nice to think someone might find the words I type entertaining/comforting/funny)

     I used to blog for me, so I could look back at the things I wrote, kind of like post-its on the calendar that is my life.

...........................................
Then I got a job.
...........................................
The kids went back to school.
............................................
Life got in the way.

The last few months have been a little rough. Not huge-crisis type stuff, but, more like a bunch of little things all rolled up into a big ball that keeps trying to knock me over. 

Winter rolled in in October. Makes for a very long season. At this point, I am of the opinion that snow is only pretty on a Christmas card.

There's been some health related stuff for me ( nothing life threatening and it is mostly resolved now) has really taken the wind out of my sails.

I haven't been running. I am getting back on track there, but, it's a slow road.

I really could use a vacation, and listening to everyone talk about their sun & fun filled trips is killing me a little. ( Oh jealousy, that nasty b*tch!)


So what now?

Well, I have a few choices.

1. I can wallow. Feel sorry for myself and let these winter blahs drag me down.

2. I can stop talking to people.

3. I can suck it up.


So seeing as we still have a good chunk of winter in front of us, I had better suck it up.

I have a treadmill now, so, no more letting the snow stop me from logging my miles.

While I am horribly jealous of those that get to escape winter for a short & sunny time, I am happy for them. They deserve R&R just as much as anybody, and I am glad for them that they got the chance to get away.

Before I know it, it will be Spring. The roads will be clear, and I'll be complaining about the bugs while I'm out pounding the pavement.